Claire's Top Gifts for the Christmas Season

Hello, today I'd like to welcome you to *"Claire's Top Gifts for the Christmas Season." I, Captain Adorable, will be your host.

 #1: A poofy coat

Poofy coats are not only stylish, but they make it practically impossible to move. This forces your minions to cater to your every whim, since you conveniently can't even move your arms. Plus, who wants to move when they're snug and warm?

#2: A stylish headband

No matter what you do with your face, a cute headband will always make you look sophisticated and all-around stunning. Perfect for the unattractive baby in your life.

#3: A living armchair

The best place to sit is on someone. Regular chairs may have their charms, but if you really want to get the perfect holiday gift, a live armchair is the way to go. This particular model features several different positions, an automatic rocking sensor for when you're feeling fussy, and it can be mobilized if you're bored with your current view.

#4: A hoody

Hooded jackets are the way to go if you feel like being warm while still being able to move your limbs. They also provide you with a subtle gangster vibe, letting other babies know they better not try and steal your plug, or you'll spit up in their face.

#5: A friend

Stuffed animals make the best friends. Real people are too needy and time consuming and just exhausting. Didn't you read Calvin and Hobbes? Animal type is up to you--I personally prefer my giraffe, since he is a vegetarian and I don't have to worry about him eating my minions like a tiger might.

#6: Sunglasses

Sunglasses are the perfect disguise. People can be all, "hey, that baby just urped all over my shirt," and you can put on your sunglasses and say "hey, that sucks. I never even saw a baby--that kid must have lightning fast reflexes."

Thanks for joining me for this year's edition of "Claire's Top Gifts for the Christmas Season." Please join us next year for "Claire's Dating Advice for Babies."






*Captain Adorable does not guarantee that these gifts will look as good on other babies as they do on her. In fact, they probably won't. Get used to disappointment.
Merry Christmas.

Duck season

Today, Eric dressed Claire for church. Hence the tights. As she sat there in her car seat, Claire thought, "Dang, I make this giraffe look good."

 And then she thought, but why doesn't my giraffe have any friends?

 She continued thinking about this as she laid in her little cage and stared at the pretty lights that her minions had put up for her amusement.
And then she realized why her giraffe was all alone--ducks were overrunning the population! they were everywhere....

So Claire went duck hunting.
She made herself a suit out of them, and then stomped on two for good measure.
long live the giraffes!