all about claire

Claire's been having a lot of firsts the past few weeks, including her first time sleeping in her own room, in her crib,  

getting her first haircut (she looked like a balding old man with a mullet from the back), 

sitting in her Bumpo (she likes to sit and look around like she's on a tiny throne...but after 10 minutes or so she starts to get tired and slumps over and starts crying), 

discovering herself in the mirror (she gazes at herself for hours at a time, and often falls asleep doing so. The first day that she did it, we got Chinese food that night and discovered that Claire is the sign of the snake; our placemat said that snakes tend to be stubborn and rather vain.),

learning to scoot around (she scoots backwards until she hits something, usually the corners of her play gym, or the head of her bassinet, and then she gets stuck and cries. She also likes to turn in circles, usually at complete 90 degree intervals.),

and her first ponytails and pigtails (she's so darn cute and she has more hair than most small children),

 and the discovery that her arms belong to her. She'll just hold one arm in the air and stare at it for ever. She also wears mostly 3-6 month clothing now and even fits into some 6-month stuff. She has multiple arm and thigh rolls, and even wrist and ankle rolls. why is fatness on babies so cute? She also made friends with the baby on her diaper box and will often spend the whole morning chatting it up with his little bald picture, ignoring her parents completely. Kinda sad when we can't compete with a picture on cardboard.

I left the room for two minutes and she wiggled around so that she was lying in the opposite direction--apparently she wanted to gaze at her best friend from a new angle. 

And, drum roll please, she finally turned completely over for the first time yesterday, after days of taunting us by rolling onto her side and back. 

She hated it and hasn't done it since. 

She also laughed for the first time yesterday, but refused to keep laughing when we tried to record her. It's a good thing she's so darn cute.

merry Christmas and a happy new year

Claire's resolutions for 2014:

Become a merbaby. While I enjoy swimming and my hair looks awesome as it floats around my head, I can't help feeling that if I could only somehow grow fins and find some water that's deeper than 2 inches, I would be even more amazing. Plus, then I could ride a seahorse.

Take up boxing. I'm pretty sure I could beat up everyone in this photo if I had a robe like Rocky's. 

Steal Santa's sleigh. He has a million magical elves, they can rig something up for him. Meanwhile, I would like to travel in style. Plus my giraffe has expressed an interest in learning how to fly, and I'm sure the reindeer could teach him.

Perfect the art of the photobomb. Oh wait---already did. 

Figure out how to control my limbs. My minions ripped the paper off of this box and it looked like they enjoyed it. If I can discover the secret behind getting my arms and  hands to work for me instead of against me, I will no doubt be able to keep my plug from running away all the time, and, eventually, I will destroy the world.

Become a baby model for the Ravens. That's right, I look so good it's probably illegal for me not to be getting paid.

Take more naps. I already take at least three a day, but I find that they are one of my favorite activities, so I think I'll indulge myself.

Cry whenever I don't get my way. Granted, I already do this, and it's not really a resolution, more of a fact of life, but I just didn't want the minions to get their hopes up that anything would be changing in the near future. It won't. 

I am the supreme ruler.

And if you disagree with me, I will cry all over you (as soon as I get my tear ducts functioning on a regular basis).

Claire's Top Gifts for the Christmas Season

Hello, today I'd like to welcome you to *"Claire's Top Gifts for the Christmas Season." I, Captain Adorable, will be your host.

 #1: A poofy coat

Poofy coats are not only stylish, but they make it practically impossible to move. This forces your minions to cater to your every whim, since you conveniently can't even move your arms. Plus, who wants to move when they're snug and warm?

#2: A stylish headband

No matter what you do with your face, a cute headband will always make you look sophisticated and all-around stunning. Perfect for the unattractive baby in your life.

#3: A living armchair

The best place to sit is on someone. Regular chairs may have their charms, but if you really want to get the perfect holiday gift, a live armchair is the way to go. This particular model features several different positions, an automatic rocking sensor for when you're feeling fussy, and it can be mobilized if you're bored with your current view.

#4: A hoody

Hooded jackets are the way to go if you feel like being warm while still being able to move your limbs. They also provide you with a subtle gangster vibe, letting other babies know they better not try and steal your plug, or you'll spit up in their face.

#5: A friend

Stuffed animals make the best friends. Real people are too needy and time consuming and just exhausting. Didn't you read Calvin and Hobbes? Animal type is up to you--I personally prefer my giraffe, since he is a vegetarian and I don't have to worry about him eating my minions like a tiger might.

#6: Sunglasses

Sunglasses are the perfect disguise. People can be all, "hey, that baby just urped all over my shirt," and you can put on your sunglasses and say "hey, that sucks. I never even saw a baby--that kid must have lightning fast reflexes."

Thanks for joining me for this year's edition of "Claire's Top Gifts for the Christmas Season." Please join us next year for "Claire's Dating Advice for Babies."






*Captain Adorable does not guarantee that these gifts will look as good on other babies as they do on her. In fact, they probably won't. Get used to disappointment.
Merry Christmas.

Duck season

Today, Eric dressed Claire for church. Hence the tights. As she sat there in her car seat, Claire thought, "Dang, I make this giraffe look good."

 And then she thought, but why doesn't my giraffe have any friends?

 She continued thinking about this as she laid in her little cage and stared at the pretty lights that her minions had put up for her amusement.
And then she realized why her giraffe was all alone--ducks were overrunning the population! they were everywhere....

So Claire went duck hunting.
She made herself a suit out of them, and then stomped on two for good measure.
long live the giraffes!

thankful for too much food and black friday brawls

claire spent most of thanksgiving looking distinctly unthankful. probably because she couldn't eat any of the pies or turkey or mashed potatoes or other deliciousness. poor baby.

she did enjoy bonding with all of her new slaves, like her uncle troy.

she was probably also mad that even though she was dressed as a pumpkin, she didn't get any pumpkin pie or pumpkin cobbler. we ate some for her, though.

this morning, claire had her first black friday. it was pretty intense. she was first into the living room, but then she had to battle it out with her giraffes for ownership of the boppy.

it was a fierce battle, but eventually she managed to grab both of them by their necks (well, i'm assuming she got the pink giraffe by his neck--he's a blanket, so his body parts are kind of hard to define).

then she threw their carcasses aside and urped in triumph. she is so mighty. and adorable, of course.

the invasion begins...

we have piles of people coming for thanksgiving, which seemed like a good idea at the time...well, at the end of the week we'll all either be in food comas or we'll be dead. we were trying to get the house clean, but claire was being absolutely no help. first she created piles of laundry and then refused to fold any of it.

then she cried when she was supposed to dry the dishes. cry baby.

then she became a suspicious, though adorable, peach for her Grandma Fair. She looks like she's plotting to urp. or destroy the world. whichever.

This morning, Claire enjoyed a leisurely bath, after which she lounged around in her robe, posing, eating a late brunch, and generally being lazy.

however, she did have a few brief moments where she channeled Rocky--i'll have to see if i can find her some minuscule boxing gloves for her...