Claire's Top Gifts for the Christmas Season

Hello, today I'd like to welcome you to *"Claire's Top Gifts for the Christmas Season." I, Captain Adorable, will be your host.

 #1: A poofy coat

Poofy coats are not only stylish, but they make it practically impossible to move. This forces your minions to cater to your every whim, since you conveniently can't even move your arms. Plus, who wants to move when they're snug and warm?

#2: A stylish headband

No matter what you do with your face, a cute headband will always make you look sophisticated and all-around stunning. Perfect for the unattractive baby in your life.

#3: A living armchair

The best place to sit is on someone. Regular chairs may have their charms, but if you really want to get the perfect holiday gift, a live armchair is the way to go. This particular model features several different positions, an automatic rocking sensor for when you're feeling fussy, and it can be mobilized if you're bored with your current view.

#4: A hoody

Hooded jackets are the way to go if you feel like being warm while still being able to move your limbs. They also provide you with a subtle gangster vibe, letting other babies know they better not try and steal your plug, or you'll spit up in their face.

#5: A friend

Stuffed animals make the best friends. Real people are too needy and time consuming and just exhausting. Didn't you read Calvin and Hobbes? Animal type is up to you--I personally prefer my giraffe, since he is a vegetarian and I don't have to worry about him eating my minions like a tiger might.

#6: Sunglasses

Sunglasses are the perfect disguise. People can be all, "hey, that baby just urped all over my shirt," and you can put on your sunglasses and say "hey, that sucks. I never even saw a baby--that kid must have lightning fast reflexes."

Thanks for joining me for this year's edition of "Claire's Top Gifts for the Christmas Season." Please join us next year for "Claire's Dating Advice for Babies."






*Captain Adorable does not guarantee that these gifts will look as good on other babies as they do on her. In fact, they probably won't. Get used to disappointment.
Merry Christmas.

Duck season

Today, Eric dressed Claire for church. Hence the tights. As she sat there in her car seat, Claire thought, "Dang, I make this giraffe look good."

 And then she thought, but why doesn't my giraffe have any friends?

 She continued thinking about this as she laid in her little cage and stared at the pretty lights that her minions had put up for her amusement.
And then she realized why her giraffe was all alone--ducks were overrunning the population! they were everywhere....

So Claire went duck hunting.
She made herself a suit out of them, and then stomped on two for good measure.
long live the giraffes!

thankful for too much food and black friday brawls

claire spent most of thanksgiving looking distinctly unthankful. probably because she couldn't eat any of the pies or turkey or mashed potatoes or other deliciousness. poor baby.

she did enjoy bonding with all of her new slaves, like her uncle troy.

she was probably also mad that even though she was dressed as a pumpkin, she didn't get any pumpkin pie or pumpkin cobbler. we ate some for her, though.

this morning, claire had her first black friday. it was pretty intense. she was first into the living room, but then she had to battle it out with her giraffes for ownership of the boppy.

it was a fierce battle, but eventually she managed to grab both of them by their necks (well, i'm assuming she got the pink giraffe by his neck--he's a blanket, so his body parts are kind of hard to define).

then she threw their carcasses aside and urped in triumph. she is so mighty. and adorable, of course.

the invasion begins...

we have piles of people coming for thanksgiving, which seemed like a good idea at the time...well, at the end of the week we'll all either be in food comas or we'll be dead. we were trying to get the house clean, but claire was being absolutely no help. first she created piles of laundry and then refused to fold any of it.

then she cried when she was supposed to dry the dishes. cry baby.

then she became a suspicious, though adorable, peach for her Grandma Fair. She looks like she's plotting to urp. or destroy the world. whichever.

This morning, Claire enjoyed a leisurely bath, after which she lounged around in her robe, posing, eating a late brunch, and generally being lazy.

however, she did have a few brief moments where she channeled Rocky--i'll have to see if i can find her some minuscule boxing gloves for her...

daddy daughter time

Claire loves her dad. he got her all dressed for church in her cute little dress and headband. he was supposed to match with her, but he's colorblind, so i guess it's not his fault.

like her dad, claire loves taking naps.

she's also well on her way to becoming addicted to caffeinated beverages, just like her father.

and, since eric doesn't have any hair, he likes to give claire mohawks. from her facial expression, it seems like she's trying to be polite for the picture, but she's not too thrilled with her new hairstyle.

Getting bigger every day

Claire in her nighttime attire--swaddled, bagged, and hatted. she's so darn cute and armless.

Claire's first mail! She's officially a person. She tried to eat the envelope.

Guess who's 4 weeks old?

 That's right, me!

She's smiling more and more every day, and sometimes she almost seems on the verge of laughing. I can't wait to see what she'll laugh at first. Probably Eric's face when he changes her poopy diaper.