lazy living

Breastfeeding

If you don't really want to know all the sordid details of breastfeeding, you should probably stop reading right about now.

If you do a Google image search for "breastfeeding," you will come across many pictures like this one. They usually depict a smiling or peaceful looking mother gazing down at her baby, and it is obvious that they are experiencing a delightful bonding experience. This also always seems to happen in a pristine, white environment for some reason.

This image is slightly more realistic, but other than the surrounding mess, it still looks pretty peaceful.

Some women love breastfeeding, and describe it as the most peaceful, beautiful bonding experience there is between mother and baby.

For others, breastfeeding is painful, whether due to infants that bite, slap, or claw, chapped/sore nipples, engorgement, or various other issues.

Breastfeeding was rarely painful for me, but it was also rarely a peaceful/relaxing bonding time. My daughter had a hard time latching on correctly at first, which was painful for me and frustrating for her. Once she did figure it out, things got easier. However, I think my daughter was the slowest eater on the planet. She would lay there, mouth in place, and just kind of chill. Then siiiiiiiip. swallow. Chill a few minutes. siiiiip. savor the milk in the mouth for a few minutes, really enjoy that flavor....aaaaand swallow. Don't get me wrong, she was adorable. Just excruciatingly slow. This probably wouldn't have been as big of a deal if my only responsibility in life were feeding my child, but, like most mothers, I had a million other things that needed to be done. Once she got big enough that I could prop her in place with a boppy/pillow and have my arms free to do homework, grade papers, etc., life got slightly easier.

Of course, the slow sleepy nursing was only a minor annoyance. The main headache when it came to nursing for me was the crying. Sometimes, my milk would come in too fast and my daughter would start gagging on the milk, so she'd pull back, and then milk would be spraying her in the face and up her nose and she's wailing and flailing and milk is spraying her and the pillow and the couch and her clothes and my clothes and everything else within a three foot radius....so by the time I get the fire hose pressure tamped down and my daughter latched back on, she's giving me this reproachful glare like "I'm wet and hungry and you tried to KILL me. You suck." And we're both wet and smell like breastmilk and I'm frazzled and just feeling like, "Just drink your stupid milk. Bonding, ha!"

Granted, nursing does get easier with practice. By the time my daughter was 6 months old, we had breastfeeding down and she was quick and efficient. (So, naturally, she had to do something to liven things up--that's when the whole "Let's use mom as a percussion instrument" thing started. Also, the experimental pinching and biting.)

However, certain things could definitely have been avoided and I will avoid them next time around. For instance, my sister, who also has fountainous milk, recommended expressing some milk into a nursing pad prior to breastfeeding, to avoid the whole drowning-in-milk thing. Once I tried that, things got a little less dramatic.

Other things, like slow eaters, pinchers, etc., have more to do with the baby's personality and you'll just have to adapt to each other.

Engorgement

Keep in mind, this is all just from my experience. Everyone is different, in case you hadn't already noticed.

When my milk came in, it hurt. My breasts were huge and swollen, and not in a good way. There is nothing sexy about breasts that are constantly leaking milk and that are so tender that even a simple cotton bra hurts them. (Side note, I've always been smaller chested and kind of wished to have a bigger chest. Having had one now, I much prefer my smaller chest. Big breasts hurt, they get in the way, they're a pain to exercise with (literally and figuratively), and they're overall just annoying.)

The following things can help with engorgement:

Express some milk. This is probably the easiest to do while in the shower, and the warm water helps with the aching as well. (For how to express milk, here's a good link, complete with illustrations: http://www.medelabreastfeedingus.com/tips-and-solutions/130/how-to-manually-express-breastmilk---the-marmet-technique)
Get some of those cooling gel packs.
A bra may not be super comfortable, but if you're engorged you're also probably prone to leakage, so a soft cotton bra without an underwire and stocked with nursing pads is the way to go.

Keep in mind that painful engorgement usually only lasts for a day or two when your milk first comes in. Once your body figures out how much milk it needs to make, it slows down milk production and things get a big more normal. That being said, I had overly large breasts (though not painfully swollen past the first few days) that were prone to leaking for the first 3 or 4 months.

Nursing Covers

This is a hugely, and stupidly, controversial topic right now. Every baby has the right to eat when they are hungry. Whether or not moms should cover up or not is another issue. Honestly, unless you're pulling off all of your clothes to nurse, you generally can't see much more of the breast than you would if someone is wearing a skimpy top.

That being said, do I cover up if I'm nursing with people in the close vicinity? Yes. Why? There are a number of reasons, but I think the main one is that I am a private person. I don't like people in my space and I like to cultivate my personal space. And, even though nursing wasn't always a beautiful bonding moment between me and my daughter, I wanted it to be one. Having a barrier between us and the rest of the world made that a little more possible for me. Plus, my daughter rarely seemed to notice or care that there was a blanket draped around us, and if anything, as she got older it kept her from being constantly distracted and jerking her head around to try and identify random noises.

My other, more minor reason for covering up while nursing, is that I'm aware that not everyone is comfortable with seeing my breasts. I think it's horribly rude of people to openly stare or glare at someone who is nursing in public, and far worse to say something rude to them about it-- it's always inconsiderate not to care about other people's feelings. Me covering up while nursing doesn't hurt me or my baby and if it helps the person I'm talking to to feel more comfortable, then I'm fine with that.

*Keep in mind that there are many reasons why people feel uncomfortable with seeing someone nurse, whether it's identifying breasts as sexual organs, discomfort with the human body in general, guilt because they aren't breastfeeding, pain because they can't breastfeed, frustration that nursing seems to be so much easier for you than it is for them, differing cultural/moral/personal viewpoints on privacy, etc. (If you prefer to nurse without a cover and you feel like someone is uncomfortable with that, instead of assuming that they're a narrow-minded jerk, try asking them if they're uncomfortable, and if so, why. Then listen to their answer. You both might learn something.)

All of that being said, if someone ever glared at me for breastfeeding (honestly, maybe people did and I just didn't notice. I'm not terribly observant), I would probably do something cranky and violent, because I don't appreciate rude people. But that's another topic.

Weaning

When you choose to wean is up to you. Pediatricians recommend breastfeeding til at least 1 years of age, but some moms need to wean sooner or their baby just self-weans sooner. Claire started self-weaning around 10 months, and I weaned her a couple weeks before she turned one, because we were going to Disney World without her and I didn't want to try and pump while we were there. Plus I was afraid that even if I pumped my milk would dry up. Plus I was just sick of wearing ugly nursing bras. Claire showed zero signs of noticing or caring that she was being weaned and instead was all "Oo, my sippy cup has milk in it! Cool!" Which, I'll admit, eased my guilt over weaning her tremendously.

Anyway, remember how I was worried about my milk drying up over a period of a few days? Apparently some women can have their milk dry up really quickly. And apparently some women take weeks, or even months, to dry up. I weaned Claire over a month ago and my milk is still there. Really annoying, but hopefully it will go away soon.

I can't think of anything else to say about breastfeeding, but if you can, let me know.

Well, we kept Claire alive for a whole year, which is more than I can say about any of the goldfish or plants that we've had (after our last fish miraculously survived us being gone for over a month, we decided he deserved a new home, so we gave him to my sister. He is doing quite well, and has even stopped his uncontrollable twitching, likely due to regular food and clean water).

As usual, Claire failed to be impressed. She just stared at us while we sang and blew her candle out.

She wasn't excited about her tambourine (even though the last time she saw one, she loved it). And though her favorite game is opening boxes destroying mail, she didn't seem interested in opening her presents.

She seemed mildly interested in her animal train, and stood her ground as it came towards her, singing manically. Even when it started to try and run over her foot, she didn't budge. Her rocking giraffe was her favorite present--well, the bow on its head was, anyway.

The present that got the most excitement from her was....nothing. She was literally staring at the carpet when this picture was taken. We'll pretend it was her cake or her rocking giraffe, though. I love her rocking giraffe, and I'm determined to have her love it, too. Since I've already successfully brainwashed her into loving her stuffed giraffe, I know it's possible.

Claire liked her ice cream, but hated how cold it was.

We also went to a corn maze, where Claire loved traipsing about in her new sparkly shoes.

Claire didn't want us to hold her hand or pick her up--she's very independent. But since she's also really slow (we traveled about a foot a minute), we finally gave up and carried her in spite of her squalling protests.